Perspective from the NICU at Primary Children's Hospital

Elise is now 5 days old and has spent 4 of those 5 days in the NICU. There are so many memories of this week that I want to block out forever- memories that my bring my heart to a sickened despair, and even horror, whenever they manage to creep across my mind.  Any parent who has had a sick child knows exactly what I am talking about.

Please excuse this entry, if I'm getting too personal here.  But the reason I am writing this particular post is because there is one message that I have learned loud and clear:
the power and privilege of the priesthood is one of the greatest gifts from our Father in Heaven

When they first took our baby Elise away in the ambulance, she was put in a transportable incubator- which quite honestly looked more like a coffin than an incubator to me . . .  It was long and large, and had every kind of tube and machine hooked up imaginable.  It was terrifying to me.  We had just been told that Elise's condition could potentially mean heart surgery and seeing her wheeled away in it was my worst nightmare.

Tyson and I couldn't even hold Elise- all we could do was reach our hand in the side vent of the transportable incubator and touch her with our fingers.  I know the ambulance workers were attempting to give Tyson and I instructions as we stood there- but all I could focus on was reaching in and allowing Elise to grasp my finger.  I talked to Elise as she held my finger.  I told her over and over again how much Tyson and I loved her, how sorry we were that she was in so much pain and how badly we wanted to change the situation.  I begged her to be strong and to pull through this, even though she was less than 15 hours old.

I try to block out that haunting image in my mind of my baby girl, hooked up to more tubes than I could count, laying in that incubator- out of my reach.  In this moment, I felt more powerless and desperate than I ever have in my entire life.  Soon, Tyson traded places with me, and with a friend of ours, gave Elise a blessing in that midnight hour with their fingers through the vent.

And this is the lesson I have learned more clearly than ever:

There are times in our life when we are absolutely powerless and completely desperate, as I was in that moment.  There are times in our life when we are left to circumstances hat we cannot change, or worse yet, just as I couldn't reach Elise in the ambulance incubator, there are times in everyone's life, when healing or rescuing another is out of our limited grasp; and it crumbles our hearts.

As Tyson reached his hand in to bless Elise, I could feel the Savior's hand, reaching in past Tyson's hand, and cradling Elise for him.  Where our power as parents was falling short, I could feel the Savior's power to heal extended past ours, and surrounding Elise.  Where we could not reach, He could, and He did.

The ambulance workers told us that by the time they had reached the Primary Children's Hospital, there was a noticeable change in Elise's state.  Somehow, the road her body was going on was turned in the other direction during that drive to the hospital.  Instead of continuing to spiral downward, her condition has actually started to become more stable by the time the ambulance pulled up to the hospital entrance.  The ambulance workers told me it was what they called, a "healing ambulance ride" or a "miracle ambulance ride".  They said sometimes these unexplained change of events just happens in an ambulance.

But, I knew better.  It had nothing to do with a "miracle ambulance" or "unexplained change of events".  The change, in fact, was very explainable.  It was the priesthood power that was given to bless her just prior to the ambulance ride that was beginning to take effect within our little girl's body by the time we arrived.  It was the mercy and power of Christ that was working the miracle, not the ambulance.  It was the power of His love and His priesthood that was healing our precious little girl.

There is a still a long road ahead for us, and there are still some very tough moments Tyson and I have had to endure since then and, probably will continue to endure, until Elise is recovered.  But, one thing is certain:  when the Lord commands us to keep the commandments so we can be worthy of the priesthood's blessings, I believe He is not commanding us as much as He is pleading with us.  He is pleading with us to take the necessary steps that we need to, so that He can bless us and heal us with His power.  (He says  in 3 Nephi 9:13: ". . . will ye not now return unto me . . . that I may heal you?")

The Savior is pleading for us to allow Him to reach the precious things in life that we cannot reach for ourselves.  Every day when I return to Elise's bed at the NICU and I am able to hold my precious girl, tubes and all, my heart is filled with gratitude.  Gratitude to Tyson for being worthy to use the Savior's priesthood power and gratitude to my Savior, for loving and taking care of my baby girl for us.